Pit Life
by Lady Jaye1
Summary: Behind every top secret military unit runs the inevitable bureaucratic machine of paperwork.
1. Playing with Fire

_*Author's note: For those of you waiting on a "Silence" update, the next chapter is ¾ finished._

_This story was inspired both by my former Justice League Unlimited fic, "This Ain't the Golden Years," and a Star Wars fic (not mine) called "The Not Quite Love Letters."_

* * *

**Pit Life**

Chapter 1: Playing with Fire

October 11, 1990

MEMORANDUM FOR:

Sgt. Major Beach Head

SUBJECT: SUSPECTED THEFT OF ITEMS

Upon the discovery of missing cases of cooking wine, I authorized an early inventory of the kitchen items. The following items were discovered missing:

1. 6 cases of cooking wine

a. 4 cases sherry

B. 2 cases sake

2. 30 pounds of flour

3. 2 jugs milk

4. 2 cartons of eggs

5. 1 package sugar

6. 2 boxes of matches

7. ½ bag of charcoal (leftover from the special batch that Roadblock had requested last June)

8. 1 bottle of lighter fluid

9. 2 boxes of baking soda

One of my cooks also reported sighting Greenshirts Mole and Murphy's Law loitering suspiciously near Pantry #2 this morning. Neither soldier was on KP duty.

_(Signed)_

Top Notch

Quartermaster, Supplies

* * *

ACCIDENT REPORT

October 11, 1990

Responded to a fire in southwest section of the Greenshirt barracks at 09:18. Greenshirts had attempted to "fire bake" a cake for Greenshirt Klick, who just found out that his fiancée is pregnant. Said baking attempt and the presence of numerous bottles of alcohol resulted in flaming furniture and a torched wall.

_(Signed)_

Barbeque

* * *

Pit PX Store receipt for Sgt. Major Beach Head:

1 bottle of Tylenol

1 can Dr. Pepper

* * *

_Excerpt from the private journal of Greenshirt Mole_

Sgt. Major is pissed. Okay, more pissed than usual. Pissed enough that we had trouble translating his accent into comprehensible English. I don't know why he was so mad…other than the stolen items…and the destroyed furniture and the wall…but it was for a good cause!

Of course, Sgt. Major Grumpy Ass didn't exactly see it that way and neither did the Quartermaster. We managed to translate some of Sgt. Major's rant: "Ah ain't trainin' a bunch of no good thieves…especially ones who can't even start a danged fire without using matches and lighter fluid." That's when he got that particularly evil glint in his eye. It's the type of glint that usually translates into "training that is more cruel and unusual than usual."

But for now, I'm on KP duty tonight….under Top Notch. God help me. I'm pretty sure that he's the meanest sonovabitching quartermaster in the army. Must be why GI Joe chose him.

…

Fucking Top Notch. I swear he's in cahoots with Beach Head. I had to do twenty pushups for every potato peel that fell on the kitchen floor.

* * *

MEMORANDUM FOR:

First Sergeant Duke

SUBJECT: REQUEST FOR SURVIVAL TRAINING SESSION

I request taking Greenshirt Teams A, B, and D for an overnight survival training session 30 klicks west of the Pit. The recruits will not be allowed to bring any equipment with them. The objective is like the subject says, survival training.

_(Signed)_

Beach Head

* * *

MEMORANDUM FOR:

Sgt. Major Beach Head

RE: REQUEST FOR SURVIVAL TRAINING SESSION

Approved.

Don't break any bones this time. Doc and Lifeline get cranky when you break bones.

_(Signed)_

Duke

* * *

MEMORANDUM FOR:

First Sergeant Duke

RE: REQUEST FOR SURVIVAL TRAINING SESSION

If they break any bones on an overnight camping trip, it's their own fucking fault and they deserve it.

_(Signed)_

Beach Head

* * *

Medical Report  
Date: October 14, 1990  
Chief Medical personnel on duty: Doc

The following greenshirts were treated for numerous abrasions, bruises, and a sprained ankle:

Murphy's Law: cut lip and first degree burns on her fingers; claimed to have hypothermia

Mole: sprained ankle; heat blisters on arm

Java Rush: minor burns on his fingers; claimed to have hypothermia;

Soprano: splinters in hands; minor abrasions on arms; claimed to have hypothermia

Turkey: claimed to have hypothermia

* * *

Conversation recorded by Pit's internal surveillance systems

_Beach Head:_ None of them could start a fucking fire! Not one!

_Lifeline:_ Not even a tiny flame?

_Beach Head:_ (Incoherent swearing)

_Lifeline:_ Some of them claimed to have hypothermia…

_Beach Head:_ It was 56 degrees last night!

_Lifeline:_ Which is why Doc sent them all away….seriously, not even a tiny fire?

_Beach Head:_ (Incoherent swearing)

_Lifeline:_ Because if they think 56 degrees is cold, we're going to have problems if they have to go someplace that's actually cold.

_Beach Head:_ ….

_Lifeline:_ Maybe a cold weather survival training session is in order?

_Beach Head_ (suddenly grinning): I can do better….

* * *

**Mission Orders:**

Recent intelligence reports that a small Cobra munitions plant is operating out of the Arctic.

PRIMARY OBJECTIVE: Reconnaissance of munitions plant

SECONDARY OBJECTIVE: If circumstances allow, destruction of the munitions plant

We will depart at 23:00 tonight. Report to Mission Room #3 at 14:00 for a full debriefing.

_(Signed)_

Sergeant Major Beach Head

* * *

**Excerpt from the private diary of Greenshirt Murphy's Law**

The Arctic! The fucking Arctic!


	2. Thy Lord Medic

**Pit Life**

Chapter 2: Thy Lord Medic

* * *

_Medical Report_  
Date: October 17, 1990  
Submitted by: Lifeline  
Patient: Sgt. Scarlett  
Injuries: Ballistic trauma to abdomen. Fragmentation from bullet has resulted in internal damage to intestinal area. Patient is now stabilized, but is still in critical condition.  
Additional comments: Patient is on confined bed rest for one month.

* * *

Incident Report  
Date: October 20, 1990  
Submitted by: Sgt. Lifeline

Sgt. Scarlett was confined to bed rest due to injuries, as reported three days ago. However, the good Sergeant decided that it was in her best interest to gloriously liberate herself from the infirmary and create a Jackson Pollock painting as she bled down the hallway, while running away. It was in her best interests that a tranquilizer was used. Sergeant Scarlett is now cooperating with her treatment.

* * *

Incident Report  
_(Returned to Lifeline with the following message written in ink.)_

Please revise this report without the sarcasm, sergeant.

_Signed, _

Flint

* * *

Incident Report  
Date: October 20, 1990  
Submitted by: Sgt. Lifeline

Sgt. Scarlett was forcibly tranquilized today due to an unauthorized departure from the infirmary.

* * *

To: EVS  
RE: Biohazard Clean-up  
Date: October 20, 1990  
Submitted by: Lifeline

Sgt. Scarlett's blood is all over the hallway outside of the infirmary. Please send someone to clean it up.

* * *

Medical Progress Report  
Date: October 20, 1990  
Submitted by: Lifeline  
Patient: Sgt. Scarlett  
Injuries: Unauthorized departure from infirmary reopened two sutures and resulted in minor internal bleeding.  
Additional comments: Patient is on confined bed rest for one month. Bed restraints are to be used on the patient until further notice.

* * *

_(Poster created and hung on infirmary door by Lifeline.)_

**Lifeline's Ten Commandments**

1. Thou shalt not take the name of thy medic in vain.

2. Thou shalt not covet thy medic's tomato plant.

3. Thou shalt not covet a spare infirmary bed because thou had a disagreement with thy roommate.

4. Thou shalt not engage in violent actions against a fellow patient, for the wrath of thy Lord Medic will fall upon thee.

5. Thou shalt not commit falsehood when explaining the reasons for thy injuries.

6. Thou shalt not utter the words "I dare you…" to a ninja, Scarlett, or Beach Head. Thy Lords of Medicine don't want to deal with any unnecessary patients.

7. When thy medic tells you to do "(insert orders here)," thou shalt listen to thy medic.

8. If thou conceives of and orchestrates an early "discharge" from the infirmary, otherwise known colloquially as "escape," then Sir Tranquilizer will find thee.

9. If thou disobeys or dishonors thy Lord Medic, suitable punishments are waiting for thee. There are always plenty of bed pans to be washed.

10. Thou shalt not be a disruptive presence in the infirmary. Acting like a heathen will bring appropriate penance.

In General Hawk's name we Pray, Yo Joe.

* * *

Conversation recorded by Pit's internal surveillance systems  
_(Author's Note: Lifeline and Psyche Out's ritual afternoon coffee break)_

_Psyche Out:_ I think someone is having a power complex….  
_Lifeline:_ Just drink your coffee.  
_Psyche Out:_ Someone's cranky…  
_Lifeline:_…  
_Psyche Out:_ But seriously, why did you have to write it like that? I can understand why you posted it, but still…  
_Lifeline:_ You paid attention to it, didn't you?  
_Psyche Out:_ …Point.

* * *

(Note for Lifeline from Snake Eyes)  
_(Taped on Lifeline's office door)_

I request an audience with Thy Lord Medic regarding the restraints on Scarlett. Request that restraints be removed.

Snake Eyes

* * *

(Reply note)  
_(Taped to dojo door)_

Request denied. And if I find that the restraints have been removed, I will pull a certain someone's vaccine records.

Lifeline

* * *

Medical Report  
Date: October 20, 1990  
Chief Medical personnel on duty: Lifeline  
Patient: Sgt. Snake Eyes  
Injuries: None  
Additional comments: Patient was in need of the annual Influenza vaccination as well as a Yellow Fever vaccination.

* * *

TO: Sgt. Lifeline, Sgt. Snake Eyes  
FROM: Warrant Officer Flint  
DATE: October 20, 1990  
SUBJECT: FAILURE TO USE AUTHORIZED FORMS

Sticky notes on doors may not be used to request or deny requests. KP will be given if this occurs again.

_Signed,_

Flint

* * *

_(Note taped to Flint's door, written on notebook paper)_

Understood.

* * *

Conversation recorded by Pit's internal surveillance systems

_Clerical aid:_ Is everything okay in there, Sir? I heard a strange crash….

_Flint:_ It's nothing! One of my books… accidentally hit the wall.

_Clerical aid:_ …Yes sir.

* * *

Medical Progress Report  
Date: October 20, 1990  
Submitted by: Corporal Leech  
Patient: Sgt. Scarlett  
Comments: Patient is refusing to cooperate with her medication and is also being violently vocal with her complaints.

* * *

Physician's Orders  
Re: Scarlett

Replace Scarlett's bed sheets with the Strawberry Shortcake sheets in the back closet. She can have the standard issue bed sheets back when she behaves.

_Signed,_

Lifeline

* * *

Complaint Form  
Name of Person filing Complaint: Sgt. Scarlett  
Date: October 20, 1990  
Complaint: Lifeline is acting unprofessional. He is forcing me to wear bed restraints and sleep in humiliating bed sheets.

* * *

RE: Complaint Form  
Date: October 20, 1990

Scarlett, a word of advice….stop digging.

Signed,

Duke

* * *

Physician's Orders  
Re: Scarlett

Switch Scarlett's hospital gown out with the lovely, pink one in the back closet.

_Signed,_

Lifeline

* * *

Conversation recorded by Pit's internal surveillance systems

Scarlett: Fuck you Lifeline!

Lifeline: _(Ignoring)_

Scarlett:…You just wait until I'm back to teaching hand to hand training…

* * *

_Author's Note:__ The greenshirts named in chapter 1, the Quartermaster Top Notch, and Greenshirt Leech (a nurse in the infirmary) are all my creations._

_There was some debate on who would clean up blood spills. The general consensus by some of other writers was that a biohazard/contamination unit would clean it up. Thanks to Ami Ree for telling me about the EVS (Environmental Safety) unit at hospitals, which cleans up minor contamination spills. I imagine that there must be a similar unit in GI Joe._


	3. Birds of a Feather

**Pit Life**

Chapter 3: Birds of a Feather…

* * *

Maintenance Report  
Submitted: October 27, 1990

Responded to a maintenance request regarding bird excrement on southwest wall of motor pool. Wall was cleaned and refinished.

Note: This is the third time this month alone that Maintenance has had to clean up after Freedom and Polly. Frankly, we are getting tired of cleaning up the constant messes. Bird excrement is a biohazard and it constantly destroys sections in the Pit that require repair.

* * *

Complaint Form  
Name of Person filing Complaint: Cpl. Airtight  
Date: October 27, 1990  
Complaint: This is getting ridiculous. Freedom and Polly don't even serve a useful purpose like Timber and Order do and they cause more damage. Request that Spirit and Shipwreck be forced to clean up their messes.

* * *

Complaint Form  
Name of Person filing Complaint: Cpl. Cover Girl  
Date: October 28, 1990  
Complaint: There's fucking birdshit on my trucks!

* * *

Complaint Form  
Name of Person filing Complaint: Cpl. Clutch  
Date: October 28, 1990  
Complaint: I'm shooting the birds! I don't care if Freedom is on the endangered list! Did you see what they did to the trucks?

* * *

MEMORANDUM FOR:

Sgt. Spirit, Sr. Petty Officer Shipwreck  
DATE: October 28, 1990  
RE: FREEDOM AND POLLY

It has come to my attention that your pets are causing damage to sections of the Pit and to military equipment. Please be sure to monitor and clean up after Freedom and Polly. This is your first warning.

_Signed,_

Duke

* * *

MEMORANDUM FOR:  
First Sergeant Duke  
DATE: October 28, 1990  
RE: FREEDOM AND POLLY

We do clean up after them! Or at least I do, but I'm pretty sure Spirit does too. Who the hell complained about Polly?

_Signed,_

Shipwreck

* * *

MEMORANDUM FOR:  
Sr. Petty Officer Shipwreck  
DATE: October 28, 1990  
RE: FREEDOM AND POLLY

You know I can't tell you who filed the complaints. A word of advice though….I'd steer clear of the motor pool for a while if I were you.

_Signed,_

Duke

* * *

Conversation recorded by Pit's internal surveillance system

_Spirit:_ Sir, with all due respect….

_Duke:_ Spirit, we're already doing you a favor by ignoring the fact that Freedom is a member of an endangered species. If PETA got wind of him, it would be political shit storm for us.

_Spirit:_ …..I do understand that and I appreciate it. However, I still protest. I clean up after Freedom as best as I can, but he's still a wild animal. Do people file the same complaints about Timber?

_Duke:_ Timber doesn't leave a mess on the Wolverine and actually contributes to missions.

_Spirit:_ …That explains why Cover Girl threw a wrench at me.

_Duke:_ (raises eyebrow)

_Spirit:_ She missed obviously.

_Spirit:_ ….What do you mean by "contributes to missions?" Freedom contributes.

_Spirit:_ (patented poker face glare)

_Duke:_ (rubs eyes) That's not exactly what I meant….

_Spirit:_ (raises eyebrow)

_Duke:_ Fine, I'll admit, Freedom has come in handy on occasion, especially since you've trained him to carry messages and attack Cobra troopers. Polly on the other hand…

_Spirit_ (somewhat smug): Freedom could also eat Polly.

_Duke:_ THAT had better be a joke!

_Spirit_ (dryly): Obviously.

_Duke:_ (facepalm)

_Spirit:_ He could though.

* * *

Medical Report  
Date: October 28, 1990  
Submitted by: Stretcher  
Patient: Listed below

The following personnel were treated for injuries from a fight:

Shipwreck: minor cuts and bruises; a sprained ankle; a black eye

Java Rush: claw marks

Wrench: broken nose; minor cuts and bruises

Polly: Shipwreck claimed that Java Rush chipped his talons and that Order tried to eat him. Gave Polly a piece of bread for "medicine."

* * *

Incident Report  
Date: October 28, 1990  
Submitted by: Corporal Law (and Order)

Broke up a fight at 22:17 between Shipwreck and two members of Maintenance. Shipwreck claims that they were bad mouthing Polly and seems to have instigated the fight. Order separated the trio and then chased Shipwreck and Polly when they refused to back down. They were caught after Shipwreck tripped over Leatherneck's boot.

* * *

RE: Incident Report  
Date: October 28, 1990  
To: Corporal Law

"Tripped over Leatherneck's boot," huh?

Duke

* * *

RE: Incident Report  
Date: October 28, 1990  
To: First Sergeant Duke

That's exactly what happened. Leatherneck's boot was scuffed. He's rather peeved.

These things happen, sir.

Law and Order

* * *

Pit PX Store receipt for Sr. Petty Officer Shipwreck

1 bottle of black boot polish

* * *

MEMORANDUM FOR:  
First Sergeant Duke  
DATE: October 29, 1990  
RE: NEW WEAPON IDEA

Given the amount of bird excrement that accumulates in the Pit, and its hazardous properties, it would be economical to convert said excrement into small grenades to be used in combat. Such a weapon would be cheap to manufacture.

_Signed,_

Airtight

* * *

MEMORANDUM FOR:  
Corporal Airtight  
DATE: October 29, 1990  
RE: NEW WEAPON IDEA

We are NOT utilizing poop grenades. If this is another one of your pranks, I will be very "unhappy."

_Signed,_

Duke

* * *

MEMORANDUM FOR:  
First Sergeant Duke  
DATE: October 29, 1990  
RE: NEW WEAPON IDEA

But it makes Freedom and Polly useful for once! Besides, even you have to admit that there is a certain poetic justice in pelting Cobra troops with bird shit. Seriously, it's the perfect biological weapon since I'm pretty sure it doesn't violate the Geneva Convention.

And no, this isn't a prank. I'm just trying to find a way use the birds' messes to our advantage.

_Signed,_

Airtight

* * *

MEMORANDUM FOR:  
Corporal Airtight  
DATE: October 29, 1990  
RE: NEW WEAPON IDEA

No. Also, I highly recommend that you not tell Spirit or Shipwreck that you think their pets are useless.

_Signed,_

Duke

* * *

MEMORANDUM FOR:  
First Sergeant Duke  
DATE: October 29, 1990  
RE: NEW WEAPON IDEA

I'm not that stupid. I like having my face intact.

_Signed, _

Airtight

* * *

Conversation recorded by Pit's internal surveillance systems

_Shipwreck:_ Fucking Leatherneck, fucking Law!

_Airtight:_ How's the nose?

_Shipwreck:_ It fucking hurts! And Order attacked Polly!

_Polly:_ Attacked Polly! Attacked Polly!

_Airtight:_ (left eye twitches)

_Shipwreck:_ Anyway….what're you doing, Spirit?

_Spirit:_ Hmm?

_Shipwreck:_ Don't act innocent. What the fuck's in that bag?

_Spirit:_ It's a special powder for ceremonial use. I'm going to ask the Great Spirit to find out who is causing problems for Freedom.

_Shipwreck:_ And Polly?

_Spirit:_ And Polly.

_Airtight:_ ….How exactly does that work? Do you really believe in that mumbo jumbo?

_Spirit:_ Are you mocking my sacred rituals?

_Airtight:_ Uh…no….just curious.

_Airtight: _…..So…that doesn't like, curse anyone, does it?

_Spirit:_ Of course not. The kachina may give the offending people nightmares for a while, but that's about it.

_Airtight:_ Huh. (looks at watch) Well, I'm on duty soon. Gotta get some coffee. Bye!

_(brief pause)_

_Shipwreck:_ So what is it, actually?

_Spirit:_ It's exactly like I said…

_Shipwreck:_ I call bullshit.

_Spirit:_ Cayenne pepper, ground ghost peppers, and a few other ingredients.

* * *

October 29, 1990  
MEMORANDUM FOR:  
Sgt. Major Beach Head  
SUBJECT: SUSPECTED THEFT OF ITEMS….AGAIN

The following items have been reported missing:

4 ounces of cayenne pepper

3 ghost peppers

8-10 jalapeno peppers

1 6 ounce bottle of habanero pepper powder

We have no idea who stole these items.

_Signed,_

Top Notch

* * *

October 29, 1990  
MEMORANDUM FOR:  
Corporal Top Notch  
RE: SUSPECTED THEFT OF ITEMS….AGAIN

Why the fucking hell do you even have ghost peppers?

_Signed,_

Beach Head

* * *

October 29, 1990  
MEMORANDUM FOR:  
Sergeant Major Beach Head  
RE: SUSPECTED THEFT OF ITEMS….AGAIN

The ghost peppers were for personal use. I had them hidden in the back of the pantry. The kitchen staff knows better than to touch my personal ingredients. It's an ingredient in my mother's chili con carne recipe.

_Signed,_

Top Notch

* * *

October 29, 1990  
MEMORANDUM FOR:  
Corporal Top Notch  
RE: SUSPECTED THEFT OF ITEMS….AGAIN

Remind me to never eat your momma's chili con carne.

_Signed,_

Beach Head

* * *

**MILITARY POLICE REPORT** MILITARY POLICE REPORT NUMBER 43

DATE October 30, 1990

1. REPORT TYPE/STATUS: Information

2. EVALUATION: Minor misdemeanors

3. COMPLAINT/OFFENSE/INCIDENT Confiscated a cayenne pepper bomb from Airtight.

4. LOCATION laundry facility 5. TIME OF OFFENSE 13:41

6. DATE OF OFFENSE 10/30/1990

10: NAME OF SUBJECT Airtight 11. GRADE E-4

12: PERSONS RELATED TO REPORT: Shipwreck, Breaker, and Spirit

13: DISPOSITION OF: A. OFFENDER B. EVIDENCE

Cayenne bomb appears to be pressurized and remote controlled. Airtight is quite proud of it. Upon further investigation, it was found that Airtight bribed Breaker with the following items in order to gain access to some surveillance footage of Spirit and Shipwreck:

5 packages of bubblegum, 2 cans of Sprite, 1 Roadblock cupcake (Probably taken from the kitchen without permission, since they are supposed to be served in the mess hall for desert after dinner,) and the following note:

"Hey Breaker,

Can you look up some surveillance recordings for me? I want to find out what Shipwreck and Spirit talked about in the rec room after I left at about 16:40.

Thanks,

Airtight"

Further investigation has revealed that it was Spirit, and not Airtight, who originally assembled the cayenne powder mix. Spirit denies any knowledge of how Airtight gained access to it. Shipwreck denies any involvement at all.

Cayenne bomb is now locked away in the armory.

_Signed,_

Law

* * *

Message overheard in PIT intercom system:

_Beach Head:_ Airtight, Spirit, Breaker, and Shipwreck, get in mah fuckin' office now!"

* * *

October 30, 1990  
TO: Sgt. Major Beach Head  
RE: MP Report

As ordered, the following report details the incident which occurred with Airtight. I admit to taking the pepper ingredients from the kitchen, however, I did not know that the ghost peppers were Top Notch's personal property. I will replace the peppers for him. However, I was not involved with Airtight's scheme to construct a cayenne pepper bomb. I only made the powder mix as a scare tactic to find out who has been complaining about Freedom. I do not know how Airtight gained access to the powder, because I stored the majority of it in my room.

Also, as I told you earlier in your office, Shipwreck was not involved in any of this. I know that's hard to believe, but it's the truth.

_Signed,_

Spirit

* * *

October 30, 1990  
TO: Sergeant Spirit  
RE: MP Report

You'd better believe you're replacing the ghost peppers, as well as the rest of the ingredients you took. Why the hell did you think it was a good idea to steal from the kitchen in the first place? And what made you think that you could trick Airtight, of all people? You're usually the sane and responsible one, Iron Knife…which isn't saying much for the Joes. And what is this about storing the "majority" of it in your room? Where the hell is the rest of it?

I still don't quite believe that Shipwreck wasn't involved. However, you know better than to lie to me and the surveillance footage supports your testimony.

_Signed,_

Beach Head

* * *

October 30, 1990  
TO: Sgt. Major Beach Head  
RE: MP Report

I took the items from the kitchen because I wasn't stupid enough to take them from Roadblock or Gung Ho, especially since Gung Ho is my roommate. I'd rather like being able to sleep through the night without looking over my shoulder.

As for the rest of the powder, I gave it to Gung Ho. He wanted to try some of it.

_Signed,_

Spirit

* * *

Disciplinary Report  
Submitted: October 30, 1990  
To: First Sergeant Duke

The following punishments were assigned as a result of the cayenne pepper bomb incident:

Airtight: Extra PT and three days of extra guard duty

Spirit: Three days of KP

Breaker: Mopping the mess hall floor

Shipwreck was given KP duty today for having started the fight with the maintenance crew.

_Signed,_

Beach Head

* * *

Conversation recorded by Pit's internal surveillance systems

_Spirit_ (glaring): _Why_ did you make the bomb?

_Airtight:_ Are you mocking the sacred rituals of my people?

* * *

Medical Report  
Date: October 30, 1990  
Submitted by: Doc  
Patient: Airtight

Patient came in with a swollen, black eye.

* * *

Maintenance Report  
Submitted: October 31, 1990

Cleaned bird excrement from aircraft in hangar. Request action regarding newest incident of property damage.

* * *

RE: Maintenance Report  
Submitted: October 31, 1990

Noted. Request for action denied.

_Signed,_

Duke

* * *

_Author's Note:__ I'm introducing a new element to the story…the Facepalm count. It's difficult to show how often our esteemed leaders facepalm because of various Joe shenanigans in the narrative format I'm using. For your benefit:_

**Duke's Facepalm count: 7**


End file.
